I come from a working class family. We didn’t have much growing up but my parents made sure that the house was always full of magic for me and my sisters. Especially around Christmas time. Mum would stay up until 3am cooking, cleaning, quietly adding socks full of treats at the end of our beds and then she’d get up at 6am to make the day as special as she possibly could.
Marilyn's story

Marilyn describes her mum, Ellen, as her hero. When Ellen passed away, Marilyn felt like she couldn’t see a way forward. That’s when her community reminded her that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

Christmas memories
When you ask Marilyn about her upbringing, a huge smile appears on her face.
Marilyn grew up to have a family of her own, with her mum at the centre of everyone’s world. A “cherished mam, granny and wife”. When Ellen had a fall early December one year, everyone pulled together to bring her some festive cheer.
She broke her leg and ended up spending quite a long time in hospital. We had 19 family members round my house on Christmas day that year and we were determined to make her feel included. So, we took it in turns to visit her on a rota. She may have been in hospital, but she had a Christmas hat on throughout the day, surrounded by her family. We wanted to make it special for her, that’s what Christmas is all about.
Losing her mum
Sadly, Ellen’s health rapidly deteriorated from that point onwards and Ellen passed away just a few months later. Marilyn was devastated.
I went to a headspace where I’d lost somebody, put it to the back of my mind and thought, they’ll be coming back. I didn’t accept my mum’s death for a long time and tried to keep busy. I was absolutely exhausted.
When Marilyn talks about her mum passing away, she describes it as one of the lowest points of her life.
I didn’t realise for a long time how much my grief was impacting me. I wasn’t in a good place at all, I wasn’t really eating properly and lost a lot of weight, I actually came very close to having a full-on mental breakdown.
Wellbeing Support
Marilyn has been in the Civil Service for over 22 years. She’s worked across a range of sectors and even finds the time to be on the board of HASSRA, continuously showing her dedication to helping people through tough times. When she decided to reach out to the Charity for Civil Servants for help, it was her turn to be shown the kindness of others.
We provided her with space to breathe and a listening ear outside her circle of family and friends. After a supportive conversation and working out a plan together, we were able to help her get much needed counselling services.
Charity for Civil Servants is just amazing and the people in the help team are like angels. You can talk to them about anything, and they will help you in whatever way they can.
Marilyn took on effective coping mechanisms which has helped her face challenging times ever since. When it comes to facing Christmas without her mum, she can reach into her toolbox to help her through a particularly emotional milestone.
The coping mechanisms are there for life like the Charity is there for life. The Charity stopped me isolating myself and helped me find some joy again – joy in helping others. I keep imagining my mum saying – come on love, just enjoy yourself – and it helps. I want the kids in my family to feel the magic my mum created for me. So that’s what I’m trying to do.
Marilyn wants to share her story to remind others that even at their lowest points, there’s always hope.
The Charity made me realise that I’ve got good people around me. As civil servants, we can’t take it for granted that it’s there for us, we need to make sure that it’s going to be there for us in the future. That’s why I donate monthly. I honestly wouldn’t be here today without their support.
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